But recognizing that some outcomes are shaped by forces beyond us — timing, circumstance, other people’s decisions, plain unpredictability — softens the shame. Disappointment may hurt, but it doesn’t automatically mean you made a foolish choice. This doesn’t mean you should set the bar low, or expect the worst, but to reflect on your expectation, and make sure it is in line with the reality of the situation. Perhaps your significant other canceled a date night that you were really looking forward to. Maybe you planned a fun trip with friends but got sick and had to sit out. Melanie was pleasantly surprised by her date with Lee.
We can feel disappointment over a range of outcomes—large, small, and in between. The greater the disparity between outcomes and expectations, the greater the disappointment. Managing our disappointments helps us in the short term by tempering the initial sting of an unpleasant outcome. And it helps in the long run by showing that avoiding disappointment shouldn’t deter us from seeking change and opportunity. Your experience has allowed you to gain new lessons, whether about yourself, the situation, or the world. You have gained something which nobody else is privy to.
By acknowledging your feelings, you give yourself the space to process them. Take a moment to sit with your emotions without judgment. You can journal, talk to a trusted friend, or simply give yourself time to reflect on what you’re feeling and why. This step would be No. 1 when dealing with any difficult and perhaps unexpected life circumstances. You need to experience your emotional reaction to the event.
Disappointment comes in many forms and is an inevitable part of life. We all face it, whether in relationships, at work, or within ourselves. But despite how common it is, disappointment can still feel deeply personal and overwhelming. And since we all experience it sooner or later, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence. When you are steeped in feelings of disappointment, it’s good to focus on simple self-care measures to keep yourself grounded, Kushnir recommends.
We say that we deserved it, or attracted it to ourselves or were not “good enough” to have a different outcome. The reality is, life will simply do what it does, whether you are there or not. In this instance, you happened to be present during the event, which actually had nothing to do with you.
Other people have their own ideas, feelings, desires, and challenges, so there’s no way they will always meet the expectations you have of them. When you feel disappointed in someone else, it’s also common to feel frustrated or resentful, or even angry. Sometimes, adjusting expectations is the best way to cope with disappointment. If an expectation is rigid or inflexible or doesn’t line up with reality, it’s easier to feel disappointed. Words like should, always, and never are sometimes signs that your expectations might be unrealistic or too rigid.
This honesty is a good starting point for healing. Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to lose it? Maybe it was a job you wanted, a relationship that didn’t last, or a health goal that felt just out of reach. Let’s explore these five steps on how to cope with disappointment below. Disappointment is an emotion that many of have a difficult time understanding and managing. For instance, when your favorite sports team loses the championship game (as ours did recently in Western Australia), it can be a bitter blow indeed.
By focusing on what you can change, learning from setbacks, and seeking support when needed, disappointment can become a stepping stone for personal growth. The worst thing you can do when dealing with disappointment is allow your thoughts to take over your life. So if you find yourself doing this, know that you’re human but also that it’s an unhealthy thing to do. When you experience disappointment, you’ll often beat yourself up in your head.
Example: Tate
What you originally thought was sufficient to achieve your goal isn’t. Instead, you may need to increase your input and/or change your approach to get the results you want. Your disappointment is helping you move towards your goals, not away from your goals as you originally thought. In your mind, you continue to hang on to the perception that you should have gotten an ‘A’. By attaching yourself to this thought, this illusion, it’s causing you anguish. As long as you are trapped in it, you can’t get to where you want to go.
- But usually if the situation gets worse, it’s often because our minds went off on a tangent and led us down the wrong path.
- Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better and strengthen the relationship.
- Consider sharing your feelings with a friend, a spouse, or a trusted work colleague.
That’s the subjective experience of bitter disappointment. In the 1980s, Robert Plutchik presented his “Wheel of Emotions” theory. This added two more emotions, making eight essential emotions in pairs of opposites. Focusing on what you can control helps you regain a sense of agency and reduces helplessness. Regularly revisit and adjust your expectations as circumstances change. Journaling or talking to a trusted confidant can help clarify the real source of your disappointment.
So, when you experience one, remember that it won’t last. Talk it out with an objective friend, meditate to gain some mental clarity, minimize recycling toxic thoughts in your head, and remember that you might still be on the right track. In that moment where your whole world feels like it’s collapsing, the pain takes over creating a sense of panic.
A disappointing outcome does not make a person a disappointment. Radical acceptance means not that we agree with a reality but that we don’t fight against it. We accept what’s happened, because when emotions otherwise escalate, we face even more collateral damage and suffering. Radical acceptance occurs when we extend kindness to ourselves; forgiveness extends kindness to others.
Permit yourself to feel sad, but also notice moments of hope or motivation as signs of progress. Focusing on what’s going well in your life can balance out disappointment and shift your mindset toward positivity. Dwelling on disappointment can make it harder to move forward and may lead to anxiety or depression. If you don’t have someone to talk to, consider joining a support group or seeking professional counseling.
If you’ve never visited a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, ask your friends or family for referrals. If you’d rather keep the matter private, look for recommendations online. If you’ve recognized that you are not coping with your disappointment, you’ve taken the first step.
According to other research, ongoing feelings of entitlement can lead to painful and repeated disappointment. Step #2 to deal with disappointment is to focus on your underlying desire for your goal, not the goal itself. Start off by recognizing that a job in Company A is just a projection of your inner desire. This inner desire may be to get a job that is highly challenging, in a dynamic working environment. If so, there are many ways you can do that, such as working at Company G, Company H, or even setting up your own business.
A mental health professional will talk you through your feelings and help you learn how to handle them. They’ll teach you coping strategies that help you to make sense of what you’re feeling and put things into perspective. Dealing with disappointment doesn’t need to be an end of a chapter or the collapse of who you are.
Disappointment Is A Normal Part Of Life These Tips Can Help You Cope With It
If taking a stroll along your neighborhood makes you feel relax, then get out of your house and enjoy the breeze outside. If playing games makes you happier, go ahead and play them (but not in an excessive way). Sometimes, simply spending time alone may be the best way to clear your mental clutter and regain personal energy. “It is easy to experience disappointment for one reason or another,” says Crowe. Physical movement, like yoga, can be helpful in emotional regulation and boosting self-esteem.
We explore how hormonal changes may affect autistic people and what can help with social burnout. Consider taking an additional course to improve your qualifications, edit your resume, and network. There are things in our control that we can change and work to achieve our goals in life.
Remember, setbacks don’t define you—they are just stepping stones on your journey toward greater resilience, wisdom, and strength. The next time disappointment knocks on your door, approach it with kindness toward yourself and a mindset open to learning and moving forward. Disappointment often stems from external circumstances that are out of our control. While you can’t always change the outcome, you can control how you respond to Talkliv the situation.
Conversely, sloshing in what could have been or what ought to be won’t allow us to live a life with purpose, nor will it help us remember what life is worth living for. If you find it hard to manage your expectations in healthy ways, or experience disappointment over and over, disappointment can turn into resentment. Resentment can also feel like bitterness or anger. If you repeatedly push away feelings of disappointment, resentment can build in its place.
It’s tempting to ignore, minimize, or distract yourself from unpleasant feelings. But this can actually make these feelings more of a problem over time. Instead, acknowledging and naming a feeling (even doing this out loud!) can help you cope in a healthy way. Validating our emotions means accepting that they are present, and remembering that it’s ok to have those feelings. If your feelings of disappointment stem from trauma, a therapist can help you work through the underlying issues.
If we wake up feeling disillusioned, what do we reach for? Studies have shown that self-affirmations decrease health-deteriorating stress, lower rumination, and increase academic achievement. Tell us the goal and how your week actually runs. One operating-mode shift each week across work, health, money, relationships and meaning. Keep reading to find out how to deal with discouragement, failure and setbacks, and how to maintain an empowering mindset and learn from discouragement. A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies.
Sometimes we’re not ready to plod through next chapters, but would rather relegate them to the remainder bin, where no-longer-popular books go. There is a technique used in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) called radical acceptance. What does this mean as people contemplate sad events, unanticipated election results, or hard realities? Processing disappointment with introspection helps—rumination not so much. Let these inspiring quotes enlighten you and help you move on with life.
Disappointment is a regular part of our lives, but it does not have to be the defining factor of your story. You also equip yourself to have better relationships, make better decisions, and more confidently pursue your aspirations. Everyone encounters personal and professional setbacks from time to time. Coping with disappointment is important for success and personal happiness.
The body releases a ton of toxic chemicals in tears so you’ll actually feel a lot better but releasing the sadness naturally. A common example when people get attached to an external projection is in relationships. You want to be with him/her, but person A does not reciprocate your feelings. While you may feel disappointed, stop and think — What is your underlying intent?
Our mission is to help destigmatize mental health, one story at a time. With 150+ interviews and 500+ articles, we hope that we are on the right track. Let’s return to the previous example of not landing your dream job. It’s okay to sit with those feelings for a bit, however, don’t let them take over. When we ruminate on these situations or try to change things that we cannot control, it only leads to more frustration.
But when you’re living on a planet of seven billion people, odds are that sometimes things just aren’t going to go your way. While you may be dealing with disappointment today, it’s important to remember that this won’t be the last time something like this happens. Life is a rollercoaster filled with some incredible moments and some less than spectacular ones. In this article, we’re going to share how to deal with disappointment so it doesn’t turn a bad situation into a worse one.